i. you're setting off firecrackers in my stomach and ripping my ears apart so the screams can't hurt me and haunt me like they used to. there are so many colors and there is so little time. i'm making out with girls and you keep asking me if im straight [i am] and if i can ever learn to love correctly [ i can't.]
ii. i keep repeating things to myself so i will believe them. [it's not working]
iii. i know what it feels like. i know what it feels like to go on and on and not be able to stop. i know how it feels to feel like your thoughts are splitting your head open and yelling at you [you're not insane]
iv. you kept telling him to write everything down. to just write and write and never stop until all his thoughts were on the page. that it would make him feel better. but there wasn't enough paper and he had too many thoughts and he just couldn't stop. he went on and on and on and you weren't there to answer your phone.
v. "i wish i was there to answer my phone. to tell him he was okay and that he wasn't crazy. to tell him that everyone feels like that sometimes and you just have to wait it out sometimes. sometimes you need breathing on the other end of the line to convice yourself that someone cares. because i cared. i cared when no one else did."
vi. this is not a game. this isn't a catch-me-if-you-can. this isn't playing with hearts or tearing them apart. it's about the world and how people are alive and breathing one moment and then one morning they just aren't there anymore. one morning they're there for you and then the next they just aren't.
vii. "one day he was just gone."